Why I Deleted My YouTube Channel
On jealousy, comparison, internet trolls, and creating community
Yesterday I deleted my YouTube channel. YouTube kept asking me if I was sure, because there was no turning back. Yes, I was absolutely sure. The last time I created a video for YouTube was over a year ago. YouTube was this thing that always nagged at me. Creating YouTube content was something I didn’t really enjoy, but felt compelled to do. The more I hated being on Instagram the more I felt I should create content for YouTube, as if somehow things would be better or different over there. They were not.
Platforms like YouTube and Instagram breed a strange relationship, where people consume your content, and then some of them really hate you for it. Maybe they’ve seen a lot of it, but there’s also a good chance they’ve only watched a little. Whatever the case may be, seemingly mundane things can be a real thorn in someone’s side, and online, they’ll be the first to let you know.
What prompted me to delete my YouTube channel was this essay from
on jealousy, and what happens when you’re the trigger. I’m not necessarily saying people who’ve written something nasty or harassed me online are jealous of me, but I have had some weird interactions (similar to what she described). At the same time it does seem like Instagram and YouTube (I’m not on TikTok) are a breeding ground for jealousy and comparison (more on that below).Sharing my life online for the last ten years has resulted in some intense parasocial relationships that in certain cases resulted in toxic or even scary situations.