Let's be real for a sec
A little chat about influencing, community, and who deserves to get paid
Over the last few years I’ve found myself straddling two worlds, the one where I’m a fashion/lifestyle influencer, and the one where I didn’t want to be one. The shift involved several iterations.
I evolved into “sustainable fashion” and “clean beauty” as a way to justify it to myself. Maybe constantly churning out content to help brands sell things wouldn’t feel as bad if the stuff was “better.” It didn’t. Over time I became more disenchanted with the industry and more determined to find a way out.
This all coincided with having a child, something I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to do. That prompted a bit of an identity crisis (ongoing?) but also changed how I felt about being an online person.
A few months ago, at a Trader Joe’s in Burlington I made eye contact with a woman who looked to be my age. She smiled and I immediately knew that she knew who I was. That might sound strange or self-absorbed, but being an online person for 10 years, you just know. After being in the same aisle several times she looked over and asked if I “used to be an Instagram person?” Lol.
Turns out we chatted via Instagram DMs when I first moved to Vermont. We had a nice conversation and went our separate ways. I always wildly overanalyze these interactions because, that’s just who I am. But every time I have one of these experiences I can’t help but think about how much of myself I’ve shared online.
Getting off of social media and out of influencing was just as much about removing myself from the constant hamster wheel of hyper-consumption as it was about gaining back some privacy. Not only for me, but my daughter. She deserves to enjoy a life offline, and to tell her own story.
At the same time there is power and value in connecting with people online. The community I’ve established over the last 10 years is one I do not take for granted, but I’ve found it challenging to decide how best to foster it.
I truly believe social media is not the answer. It’s (IMHO) a hellscape, and a place that is not made for community building. It’s a one way street with people sharing performances for an audience and then a bunch of one off convos (much of which happens in DMs). While there may be some meaningful interactions, it’s wholly unsustainable on a personal level.
And so I came to Substack with the hope of finding balance and more control in how I connect with the community I have that has evolved over the course of my online career.
If the goal is to be less online, is this really it? I’m not sure. But I don’t want to abandon the online community I have, because I see the value in it. Shit, during the last election I was tagged by thousands of women (alongside Taylor Swift) thanking me for helping them to get involved and GOTV. I still hear from women who’ve read what I shared about the death of my dog, and how it got them through a painful loss. Or who resonate with my thoughts on motherhood.
I came here to call myself a writer because the title influencer makes me cringe. But maybe the latter is just what I am? And maybe that’s not a bad thing. Perhaps I can influence people to be less influenced by the fashion and beauty industry? To not feel like they need a new wardrobe or a 10 step beauty routine?
There seems to be a lot of gatekeeping on Substack lately. Certain writers want to say who should and shouldn’t be here, or who deserves to be paid for their work. Maybe if we didn’t live in a country that has no social safety net, where we’re all clamoring to get basic things like health care and some paid sick days or affordable childcare, that wouldn’t dominate the conversation so much?
Honestly it was a lot easier being an influencer in many ways, especially financially. Instead of begging people to subscribe to my $5/month newsletter I could get paid thousands of dollars to do a single post for a brand. But eventually I realized how far I had gotten away from my own personal values, and I couldn’t keep going.
So here I am, trying to find my way as writer (?), influencer (?), person trying to cultivate the community I’ve built for 10 years, and connect with like-minded people about the things that matter to us.
And that leads me to ask, who are you? Where are you from/where do you live? What do you care about? What brought you here? What questions do you have for me? If I’m comfortable with it, I’ll answer, if I’m not, I won’t.
I’ll go first. I’m Jess Kirby. I’m 39 years old and live in Vermont. I lived in Rhode Island for most of my life and moved to NYC after college where I lived for 5 years, working in corporate consulting (fun fact it was diversity and inclusion consulting, DEI before it was a right wing talking point!). I lived in LA for less than a year (speaks for itself).
Eventually I made my way back to Rhode Island where I started a blog. I worked as an influencer/blogger for the last 10 years. Had a daughter with my partner of 19 years, at the age of 36. We bought a house in Vermont in 2020 and quickly realized it was where we wanted to live full time.
I care about a lot of things, too many to list here. What’s top of mind at the moment: addressing hyper-consumption and (in my opinion) the role the influencer industry plays in it. I care about people (you) and want all of us to have more meaningful experiences and interactions. I care about how social media influences people’s life experiences, and maybe help everyone spend (at least a little) less time online. I care about supporting other women doing cool shit, too many to name but a few on this specific platform:
, , , , , , , , , , .I care about making life less shitty for all of us, especially future generations (which IMO means getting more women and progressive politicians elected, among other things). That’s not all, but I’ll leave it at that for now!
Thanks for being here. Hope you’ll stay a while.
*I did not paywall this post but if you are not a paid subscriber I hope you’ll consider signing up. It’s $5/month or $50/year. This newsletter is entirely ad-free and reader supported.*
This resonates with me in so many ways. I had enough with social media and am deeply grappling with what it means to be online in a capitalist society hyper fixated on consumption. I came to Substack 6 months ago to share thoughts on books, life and plant-based eating. I’d love to dig deeper into some personal things like having an evangelical street preacher father who struggles with addiction and is very likely involved in a cult 😅 but still trying to find the courage to share that part of my story that publicly exposes someone else’s story. I love that you are hear and paving a way for being online with intention but also scratching the itch that led you to blogging to begin with. Also Vermont implant from 2020 too. ☺️
This was a great read and so resonant, maybe especially for millennials who know a world before the online world came to be. I am not an influencer, but I am a writer of novels and I hate, hate, hate, how I feel I have to sell myself along with my book because that is what gets people to read. A social media following is almost, if not more, important than talent and hard work. It's as though nowadays we are brainwashed into thinking we owe everyone insight into our lives in order to matter, when in reality, we can have beautiful, full lives without these constant outward displays of the highlights. At the same time, I do value what certain influencers (yourself included) bring to the table, questioning the industry, unafraid to discuss controversial issues not for clicks, but because they matter. It's a tricky balancing act, I'm sure, and I am curious to see what the next ten years will bring. Will people start to feel drained and jaded and step away from social media or will it grow even more out of control with the dawn of AI? Sorry for the ramble, but I really enjoyed this one!