Love this! “Anti-aging is the ultimate capitalist goal, because it can never be met.” We are taught that from the minute we wake up in the morning, we aren’t good enough, and we need to buy products to change that. I appreciate you calling that out so clearly, and showing another way!
I’m really shocked (in a good way) to read your change in perspective and practice of skincare and beauty. I feel like makeup, skincare, and clothing are the top 3 things I’m marketed to when I’m online, and IT IS OVERWHELMING. Not to mention expensive. I can’t remember if you wrote about this Jess, or I read it somewhere else, but I read that with social media showing us a close up view into the lifestyles of people in far higher economic brackets that we would never ever have seen before has really messed up people’s ideas about what they should want and what they actually need. Something like seeing a celebrity or model millionaire trying new luxury beauty products daily gets in our heads, but most of us have far less money to spend on such things and it has lead to a lot of debt, waste, and feeling inadequate with what we have. It’s refreshing to hear a take on using less and not overdoing it with the skincare and beauty products. Thank you!
Definitely impacted by location. A week in Vermont meant nothing more than lip gloss. Back to California (where skin care is an understatement and the slippery slope to plastic surgery) and nary a gray hair or wrinkle is to be seen. At best beauty routines and self care should be one's own definition of what makes one feel good, at worst it's an endless unachievable goal that reduces women to Stepford wives.
This was a great article and the idea of not being good enough unless I spend money on X,Y, Z products never occurred to me. I'm 37 and have moved away from wearing makeup and my skincare routine is definitely smaller than my peers. I do hope to get to a place where I just use water and a moisturizer plus sunscreen. The one beauty treatment I really enjoy is a facial. Getting a facial is my me time and I'm not ready to forgo that yet but I have cut down on how often I get them.
I actually still love a facial. I rarely get them but when I do it's such a treat. And I don't see anything wrong with that! Side note, my facialist asked what I had been using because my skin looked so good. It was kind of funny to say, actually nothing.
I love this. I am embracing my graying hair - I never colored my hair before it started graying and can't fathom that maintenance now! I don't judge others that choose differently, but I enjoy my easier routine.
Coloring my hair is probably the last stronghold on me. I do it once a year now, which at this point feels silly...It's been such a habit for so long, I guess I'm wondering why I still feel the need to do it...
I colored my hair myself until I was getting very gray parts. Then I did it professionally and added subtle dark blonde hi lights. It was heavy ever 3-4 weeks for part color and eventually I found my scalp itching. To stop coloring and let it grow out gray still doing hi lights every 6 months took a year in a half at least. I put blonde in and even a pink when I went to RI where a man at a lobster shack came over and said I reminded him of Debby Harry( look that up lol) it’s kind of a platinum gray but long and layered now ? Do I love it? No. But the maintenance and the money I can’t do. Just something I needed to accept , saying goodbye to my natural color. My center is my family and keeping them safe and as well as they can be, not my outside look .
Yes to your environment changing how you approach beauty! I moved to Western Montana from a major city in the mid-South and almost immediately changed what my beauty standards were. For the better. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve worn eyeshadow or “elevated” makeup in the last 3.5 years. I often go without makeup. When I do wear makeup, it’s literally tinted SPF moisturizer, blush, and mascara. It’s also changed my view of clothing and the feeling of needing to consume so much. We buy majority of our clothes second hand and when we don’t, try to buy “slow” fashion. I often say, for many reasons, the best thing we did for our quality of life was move to Montana.
I wish more people leaned into this truth and just embraced natural beauty as it is—without the unnecessary judgement that comes from the way our culture deems aging as undesirable and unfavorable. IT’S NATURAL! I’m totally guilty of spending my hard-earned money on this & that, from moisturizers and serums, to concealers and primers—all to conceal what comes with my age. And, by the way, I’m in my thirties and THRIVING! In many other meaningful ways than just meeting social standards for physical appearance. Thank you for being a voice and raising awareness around this. 👏👏👏
I’m curious if your pared down skin care routine still includes sunscreen? I’m on the fence about sunscreen; I’ve only found one recently that doesn’t make me break out so at 53 I’ve only been using sunscreen for about a year. I kind of hate using it but I’ve also been influenced by all the claims that not wearing it will ruin your skin.
Also talking about location and beauty standards: I live in Berkeley, CA and most older women I see around town have undyed grey hair and don’t wear makeup. It’s totally the norm. Then you drive half an hour in most directions to Marin or Walnut Creek, and most women have dyed hair and work done on their faces. It’s striking how such a small change in geography can result in such different beauty aesthetics.
I pretty much always wear sunscreen. In the depths of winter when it's grey and we don't see the sun for days I skip it, but otherwise I put it on in the morning after moisturizer. I think sunscreen is definitely a must.
Isntree watery sun gel has been a lifesaver for my 49 year old hormonal acne prone skin. This is one of the few that actually doesn’t feel like I’m wearing sunscreen. My 21 year old daughter recommended it to me. I think sunscreen is still a must.
I love this sentiment a lot— I grew up in Vermont (Dorset), and emerging into civilization as we used to call it was always staggering. Now that I live in B.C., I’ve re-acquainted myself with a more low key approach (still use moisturizer and SPF!) after my own rashes from product use. I grew up around beautiful women in Vermont who embraced the gray and wore their smile lines with pride— a different way of life for sure.
I love Dorset. Was thinking the other day about how Vermont has no billboards and what seeing those day in and day out would do to a person. We see advertising in so many ways but it’s always interesting to see how my toddler reacts when we’re somewhere that has them.
Truly! Billboards became illegal in the 60s <3 something I didn’t grow to understand and appreciate until later. My aunties would bring up magazines from NY and CT when they came up during the summer/ski season and I used to pore over them, but otherwise loved that we didn’t have cell service and grew up roaming the mountains and rivers. I hold so much gratitude for growing up in VT and your child is so lucky to do so as well. Vermonters can still be glamorous in their finery for fêtes and revelry, but it’s more intentional.
Great piece! I write a lot about this in my upcoming book Sexism & Sensibility. And Jessica changed my beauty routine too — now it’s just water and Manuka honey and sometimes jojoba oil plus sunscreen. My skin is good and no worse than my 5 (or 10) step routine. Also, I’m here to say that hating asking for a heart is all part of the same conditioning make up
I wash my face with water, use sunscreen. Carmex if my lips are chapped. That’s it. Special occasion, I use tinted eyebrow powder because I have faint blonde brows, and mascara, and some lipstick. My skin is fine. I don’t colour my hair either…it is cut 3x a year, I wash it every other day and use a spray in conditioner and Faith by Nature organic shampoo. Showers are lukewarm so my skin doesn’t dry out…Aleppo soap, or non scented dove bodywash. Some of this was because I was a grad student for a long time and then an academic, and it didn’t matter as much that I was wearing the latest makeup, but some of it was because I could not justify the money stuff cost. I’m so glad to read that natural beauty is becoming more a norm.
Funny but not funny that a rash changed your views. I wore makeup all of my life and was pretty obsessed with looking great and loved the compliments. One day I woke up with a bright red face and teary swollen eyes. I used the same makeup for years and wasn’t using anything fancy to wash my dry skin. My skin Dr treated a mild rosacea and what he called Seb Derm on my eyelids. I used Cortisone cream. My condition was chronic I found. . It really never goes away. So , the things I used to love to play with…. The blush, the MAC lipsticks and shadows are gone for me forever. I never wore makeup in Vermont either. My skin was also fine . I’ve had to make adjustments with age and wearing nothing but a lip balm and maybe a clean cream blush but it sure makes my life easier. My friend asked me the other day if I was walking my dog early AM in striped PJ’s? I said I am . Good ones , they match and they are
Yes! I’m from Vermont (Burlington) but live in the DC area and it’s crazy how much more comfortable I feel with my prematurely graying hair and without makeup there than here in DC, not to mention the fashion differences.
When I started visiting family in the northeast I noticed the difference in makeup standards. In Alabama there’s pressure on young women to wear makeup.
This is such a comforting perspective. I just spent time at the beach, just sunscreen every day. And I wish I’d just used moisturizer at night. I just hate when my skin feels so dry. But, that’s what - a mist plus moisturizer? Still so simple. It was so nice to not think about it.
Love this! “Anti-aging is the ultimate capitalist goal, because it can never be met.” We are taught that from the minute we wake up in the morning, we aren’t good enough, and we need to buy products to change that. I appreciate you calling that out so clearly, and showing another way!
I’m really shocked (in a good way) to read your change in perspective and practice of skincare and beauty. I feel like makeup, skincare, and clothing are the top 3 things I’m marketed to when I’m online, and IT IS OVERWHELMING. Not to mention expensive. I can’t remember if you wrote about this Jess, or I read it somewhere else, but I read that with social media showing us a close up view into the lifestyles of people in far higher economic brackets that we would never ever have seen before has really messed up people’s ideas about what they should want and what they actually need. Something like seeing a celebrity or model millionaire trying new luxury beauty products daily gets in our heads, but most of us have far less money to spend on such things and it has lead to a lot of debt, waste, and feeling inadequate with what we have. It’s refreshing to hear a take on using less and not overdoing it with the skincare and beauty products. Thank you!
Definitely impacted by location. A week in Vermont meant nothing more than lip gloss. Back to California (where skin care is an understatement and the slippery slope to plastic surgery) and nary a gray hair or wrinkle is to be seen. At best beauty routines and self care should be one's own definition of what makes one feel good, at worst it's an endless unachievable goal that reduces women to Stepford wives.
This was a great article and the idea of not being good enough unless I spend money on X,Y, Z products never occurred to me. I'm 37 and have moved away from wearing makeup and my skincare routine is definitely smaller than my peers. I do hope to get to a place where I just use water and a moisturizer plus sunscreen. The one beauty treatment I really enjoy is a facial. Getting a facial is my me time and I'm not ready to forgo that yet but I have cut down on how often I get them.
I actually still love a facial. I rarely get them but when I do it's such a treat. And I don't see anything wrong with that! Side note, my facialist asked what I had been using because my skin looked so good. It was kind of funny to say, actually nothing.
I love this. I am embracing my graying hair - I never colored my hair before it started graying and can't fathom that maintenance now! I don't judge others that choose differently, but I enjoy my easier routine.
Coloring my hair is probably the last stronghold on me. I do it once a year now, which at this point feels silly...It's been such a habit for so long, I guess I'm wondering why I still feel the need to do it...
I colored my hair myself until I was getting very gray parts. Then I did it professionally and added subtle dark blonde hi lights. It was heavy ever 3-4 weeks for part color and eventually I found my scalp itching. To stop coloring and let it grow out gray still doing hi lights every 6 months took a year in a half at least. I put blonde in and even a pink when I went to RI where a man at a lobster shack came over and said I reminded him of Debby Harry( look that up lol) it’s kind of a platinum gray but long and layered now ? Do I love it? No. But the maintenance and the money I can’t do. Just something I needed to accept , saying goodbye to my natural color. My center is my family and keeping them safe and as well as they can be, not my outside look .
Yes to your environment changing how you approach beauty! I moved to Western Montana from a major city in the mid-South and almost immediately changed what my beauty standards were. For the better. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve worn eyeshadow or “elevated” makeup in the last 3.5 years. I often go without makeup. When I do wear makeup, it’s literally tinted SPF moisturizer, blush, and mascara. It’s also changed my view of clothing and the feeling of needing to consume so much. We buy majority of our clothes second hand and when we don’t, try to buy “slow” fashion. I often say, for many reasons, the best thing we did for our quality of life was move to Montana.
I wish more people leaned into this truth and just embraced natural beauty as it is—without the unnecessary judgement that comes from the way our culture deems aging as undesirable and unfavorable. IT’S NATURAL! I’m totally guilty of spending my hard-earned money on this & that, from moisturizers and serums, to concealers and primers—all to conceal what comes with my age. And, by the way, I’m in my thirties and THRIVING! In many other meaningful ways than just meeting social standards for physical appearance. Thank you for being a voice and raising awareness around this. 👏👏👏
I’m curious if your pared down skin care routine still includes sunscreen? I’m on the fence about sunscreen; I’ve only found one recently that doesn’t make me break out so at 53 I’ve only been using sunscreen for about a year. I kind of hate using it but I’ve also been influenced by all the claims that not wearing it will ruin your skin.
Also talking about location and beauty standards: I live in Berkeley, CA and most older women I see around town have undyed grey hair and don’t wear makeup. It’s totally the norm. Then you drive half an hour in most directions to Marin or Walnut Creek, and most women have dyed hair and work done on their faces. It’s striking how such a small change in geography can result in such different beauty aesthetics.
I pretty much always wear sunscreen. In the depths of winter when it's grey and we don't see the sun for days I skip it, but otherwise I put it on in the morning after moisturizer. I think sunscreen is definitely a must.
Isntree watery sun gel has been a lifesaver for my 49 year old hormonal acne prone skin. This is one of the few that actually doesn’t feel like I’m wearing sunscreen. My 21 year old daughter recommended it to me. I think sunscreen is still a must.
Interesting I need to check out that brand. I use EltaMD and it’s the only one I’ve ever tried that doesn’t make my face break out
I love this sentiment a lot— I grew up in Vermont (Dorset), and emerging into civilization as we used to call it was always staggering. Now that I live in B.C., I’ve re-acquainted myself with a more low key approach (still use moisturizer and SPF!) after my own rashes from product use. I grew up around beautiful women in Vermont who embraced the gray and wore their smile lines with pride— a different way of life for sure.
I love Dorset. Was thinking the other day about how Vermont has no billboards and what seeing those day in and day out would do to a person. We see advertising in so many ways but it’s always interesting to see how my toddler reacts when we’re somewhere that has them.
Truly! Billboards became illegal in the 60s <3 something I didn’t grow to understand and appreciate until later. My aunties would bring up magazines from NY and CT when they came up during the summer/ski season and I used to pore over them, but otherwise loved that we didn’t have cell service and grew up roaming the mountains and rivers. I hold so much gratitude for growing up in VT and your child is so lucky to do so as well. Vermonters can still be glamorous in their finery for fêtes and revelry, but it’s more intentional.
Great piece! I write a lot about this in my upcoming book Sexism & Sensibility. And Jessica changed my beauty routine too — now it’s just water and Manuka honey and sometimes jojoba oil plus sunscreen. My skin is good and no worse than my 5 (or 10) step routine. Also, I’m here to say that hating asking for a heart is all part of the same conditioning make up
is. I say: shameless asking from here on out! :)
thank you! And I can't wait to read your book.
I wash my face with water, use sunscreen. Carmex if my lips are chapped. That’s it. Special occasion, I use tinted eyebrow powder because I have faint blonde brows, and mascara, and some lipstick. My skin is fine. I don’t colour my hair either…it is cut 3x a year, I wash it every other day and use a spray in conditioner and Faith by Nature organic shampoo. Showers are lukewarm so my skin doesn’t dry out…Aleppo soap, or non scented dove bodywash. Some of this was because I was a grad student for a long time and then an academic, and it didn’t matter as much that I was wearing the latest makeup, but some of it was because I could not justify the money stuff cost. I’m so glad to read that natural beauty is becoming more a norm.
Funny but not funny that a rash changed your views. I wore makeup all of my life and was pretty obsessed with looking great and loved the compliments. One day I woke up with a bright red face and teary swollen eyes. I used the same makeup for years and wasn’t using anything fancy to wash my dry skin. My skin Dr treated a mild rosacea and what he called Seb Derm on my eyelids. I used Cortisone cream. My condition was chronic I found. . It really never goes away. So , the things I used to love to play with…. The blush, the MAC lipsticks and shadows are gone for me forever. I never wore makeup in Vermont either. My skin was also fine . I’ve had to make adjustments with age and wearing nothing but a lip balm and maybe a clean cream blush but it sure makes my life easier. My friend asked me the other day if I was walking my dog early AM in striped PJ’s? I said I am . Good ones , they match and they are
Lake and years old lol. She was pretty shocked !
I get it!!! Same
xo Lynn
Yes! I’m from Vermont (Burlington) but live in the DC area and it’s crazy how much more comfortable I feel with my prematurely graying hair and without makeup there than here in DC, not to mention the fashion differences.
When I started visiting family in the northeast I noticed the difference in makeup standards. In Alabama there’s pressure on young women to wear makeup.
Even in the Northeast there are big differences. Where I am in Vermont is much different than where I lived in Rhode Island.
I do think where you leave impacts your make up routine/outfit choices. I see what you mean by less makeup in hardy New Englanders.
This is such a comforting perspective. I just spent time at the beach, just sunscreen every day. And I wish I’d just used moisturizer at night. I just hate when my skin feels so dry. But, that’s what - a mist plus moisturizer? Still so simple. It was so nice to not think about it.