As an only child with an only child, I could not love your words on this more. I’m so sick of justifying my decision and have lived with the only child stereotypes my whole life. Whatever anyone decides is no one else’s business, and the fact that we get to decide these things is totally the point. None, one, two…it doesn’t matter! I’ve started telling people “you do you, and I’ll do me, and we’ll both be happy”. That shuts them up!
Thank you Jess! I always thought I wanted 2 kids. It felt like the “prefect” little family. But now that I had a high risk pregnancy and will again if I get pregnant, plus going through a tough newborn phase and breastfeeding journey, I’m not so sure 2 is right for me anymore. I’m lucky that my partner agrees and is so supportive! I struggle with sometimes feeling like I might be giving up a dream I had about what my family would look like, but then I remember a lot of the same positive things you mentioned in your article like more time and attention to my child, traveling, a career, and holy moly the cost! Now that we are no longer planning for a second I’m SCARED about the future of reproductive rights. I’m absolutely voting for the party that supports the right to choose, will keep improving access to birth control, and offers support to families!
This was a wonderful piece of honest writing Jess. I have followed you so long and I knew how hard your pregnancy was and felt so bad that at least you could not feel good. Whatever I lost in freedom and gained in responsibility I was trying and then losing babies , I had two. I lost as you know a grown smart handsome boy. My daughter is truthfully very mentally ill and just beautiful. Cancer has been added to her list of ailments. I don’t have that supportive partner now . He has Altzheimers. Am I sorry I had kids?. In my time it was a normal thing to do. The responsibility alone was overwhelming. My then husband didn’t want kids. He wanted to be the “kid”. He’s long gone but I completely understand. With kids there can come problems. You are always a mom. The worry that they are okay never leaves you. The young me would not understand the choice to leave this selfish, abusive marriage and never have a child with him. The me now , I might not have had kids then and grow up and find out who I was without him. Although our lives are so different, I think one child is a perfect number if you want that. I loved my two and I miss Jeff every day but we all need to decide what we want and have control over our bodies . Any other way is just inexcusable. . I get it. I don’t have a child at home any longer or a partner and it’s not easy. But, there is a certain amount of freedom about that too mixed with tears for what I lost. How you feel is just fine. With kids, there are great moments as it should be. There are days you can’t wait to get them in bed. Thank you for your honesty. I get it totally. xo
As someone who does not know If they are going to hav kids (I go back and forth), I do have a feeling I only want one kid. Personally, pregnancy does not look attractive to me, the risks involved, etc. Right now, I enjoy my time to myself, not having a schedule and if that's selfish then so be it. Thanks for this article Jess, it was great.
Susan, enjoy yourself! ❤️I wish I could back in time and be “selfish”. Parenting is too overwhelming and I believe it’s not for everybody. Sadly, I come to this conclusion too late.
I was really looking forward to reading this piece, Jess, and it did not disappoint. I’m happy you brought politics into the mix. It didn’t influence my decision to have only one, but I don’t know how it couldn’t be a consideration for anyone choosing to have a child today.
Wow Jess. Such a thoughtful and beautifully written piece which veered into how politics is personal. You have made your case. Although you shouldn’t even have to justify it with an “argument”.
We have a son and love being a mom to one child. The only thing I don’t like about it is that he asks me regularly for a sibling, and that’s the hard part for me.
As an only child with an only child, I could not love your words on this more. I’m so sick of justifying my decision and have lived with the only child stereotypes my whole life. Whatever anyone decides is no one else’s business, and the fact that we get to decide these things is totally the point. None, one, two…it doesn’t matter! I’ve started telling people “you do you, and I’ll do me, and we’ll both be happy”. That shuts them up!
Thank you Jess! I always thought I wanted 2 kids. It felt like the “prefect” little family. But now that I had a high risk pregnancy and will again if I get pregnant, plus going through a tough newborn phase and breastfeeding journey, I’m not so sure 2 is right for me anymore. I’m lucky that my partner agrees and is so supportive! I struggle with sometimes feeling like I might be giving up a dream I had about what my family would look like, but then I remember a lot of the same positive things you mentioned in your article like more time and attention to my child, traveling, a career, and holy moly the cost! Now that we are no longer planning for a second I’m SCARED about the future of reproductive rights. I’m absolutely voting for the party that supports the right to choose, will keep improving access to birth control, and offers support to families!
This was a wonderful piece of honest writing Jess. I have followed you so long and I knew how hard your pregnancy was and felt so bad that at least you could not feel good. Whatever I lost in freedom and gained in responsibility I was trying and then losing babies , I had two. I lost as you know a grown smart handsome boy. My daughter is truthfully very mentally ill and just beautiful. Cancer has been added to her list of ailments. I don’t have that supportive partner now . He has Altzheimers. Am I sorry I had kids?. In my time it was a normal thing to do. The responsibility alone was overwhelming. My then husband didn’t want kids. He wanted to be the “kid”. He’s long gone but I completely understand. With kids there can come problems. You are always a mom. The worry that they are okay never leaves you. The young me would not understand the choice to leave this selfish, abusive marriage and never have a child with him. The me now , I might not have had kids then and grow up and find out who I was without him. Although our lives are so different, I think one child is a perfect number if you want that. I loved my two and I miss Jeff every day but we all need to decide what we want and have control over our bodies . Any other way is just inexcusable. . I get it. I don’t have a child at home any longer or a partner and it’s not easy. But, there is a certain amount of freedom about that too mixed with tears for what I lost. How you feel is just fine. With kids, there are great moments as it should be. There are days you can’t wait to get them in bed. Thank you for your honesty. I get it totally. xo
As someone who does not know If they are going to hav kids (I go back and forth), I do have a feeling I only want one kid. Personally, pregnancy does not look attractive to me, the risks involved, etc. Right now, I enjoy my time to myself, not having a schedule and if that's selfish then so be it. Thanks for this article Jess, it was great.
Nothing selfish about that Susan!
Susan, enjoy yourself! ❤️I wish I could back in time and be “selfish”. Parenting is too overwhelming and I believe it’s not for everybody. Sadly, I come to this conclusion too late.
I was really looking forward to reading this piece, Jess, and it did not disappoint. I’m happy you brought politics into the mix. It didn’t influence my decision to have only one, but I don’t know how it couldn’t be a consideration for anyone choosing to have a child today.
Thank you Katie
Wow Jess. Such a thoughtful and beautifully written piece which veered into how politics is personal. You have made your case. Although you shouldn’t even have to justify it with an “argument”.
Thank you for writing the piece I’ve written a thousand times in my head. I want to shout it from the rooftops and send it to everyone I know.
You don’t know anyone an explanation, but I’m grateful you’ve written this and we are better for it!
We have a son and love being a mom to one child. The only thing I don’t like about it is that he asks me regularly for a sibling, and that’s the hard part for me.